I feel down when I see all the internalized transmisogyny expressed by trans feminine people, but I know it's because cis people got us all fucked up. I work to maintain compassion because I personally know how difficult it is to reconcile how deeply the cis binary has broken us.
I try to always bring my frustrations with being trans back to the cis binary, because while my relationship to myself is a constant, my dysphoria and dissonance is caused by the cis binary. I understand completely who I am and what motivates me now.
I understand what I consent to and what I don't consent to, I understand my origin story, I operate largely outside the cis binary and I am very fortunate to be able to choose how I appear in the cis binary, but make no mistake I am not of the cis binary and I never want to be.
Any steps I am taking to seek medical care are private matters and I choose what to disclose and what not to disclose. I don't consider my dates of seeking medical care as information to broadcast publicly, and also I am immensely proud of my achievements and accomplishments.
I see the hurting in other trans feminine people and I wish I could pull that hurt away even though I know I can't. I can only share what I have learned and hope that it resonates and helpfully serves others along the way. This information has been hard fought and won.
The only way to create a gender binary that includes trans women is to create a new open source gender binary system that is opt-in. I don't know that the cis binary is capable of being refactored to ever fully accept us.
Due to this we are coerced to appear in the cis binary as best we can. This is racist, sexist, ableist...the cis binary is a force we have to reckon with but it is not our friend. We will never be of the cis binary. We can only appear in it.
I believe it is imperative to create a new binary with a better consent model that is trans and non-binary centered.
First, gender manifests, it is not assigned at birth. Second, gender is shared by more than a guessing of visual queues. Third reproductive rights are inalienable rights. Fourth all bodies belong to their selves.
With these understandings we can open source gender systems and create binaries refashioned and reclaimed for people who feel more comfortable in "binary style", but more importantly we can create whatever gender systems we want.
So we are then doing two kinds of work, appearing in the cis binary as a method of survival, and creating our own gender systems to belong to. The first refashioned gender system needs to "appear in" the the cis binary, but not fall for the trap of believing we belong to it.
by creating this "parallel" system, we provide safe passage for trans people out of the cis binary.
by creating entirely new parallel systems of gender we provide safe gender systems for non-binary people to leave the cis binary.